25 Things (Slight Return)

(Just found this in my drafts; it was written a few years back (2018?), in response to something else from even further back. I never posted it at either of those times, probably due to a fear of oversharing, but I’ve stopped caring what other people think of me, so here you go.)

In the post-Election/post-Brexit world, there’s been a few (much needed) ‘let’s make Facebook fun again’ things going round, where you are supposed to give 10 fun facts, or post the 3rd photo on your camera roll, or whatever. That reminded me of a similar thing way back when (maybe 7 or 8 years ago?) where you had to post 25 ‘interesting’ facts about yourself, and tag 25 people who would be required to do the same. I never posted anything at the time, but I did find a draft I’d put together at the time, so to show that I’m not a complete party pooper, I’m posting it now. I’ve updated durations, but the rest is as-is. Never let it be said that I’m too guarded about things…

1. I don’t drink (which will be a surprise for people who know me from my CAMRA days) but I used to drink like a fish (which will be a surprise for people who only got to know me recently). I haven’t had an alcoholic drink in 23 years, now. No, I’m not “in a program”. [Update: Well, yes, technically I am, but it’s not AA.]
2. I’m a vegetarian. Have been for about 30 years.
3. I’ve taken my lay Buddhist vows (going for refuge, and the five precepts, for those in the know). Explains #1 and #2, no?
4. I have a tattoo of a barcode on my ass. (For my GEMS colleagues, sorry, I lied about getting it forcibly done in an orphanage. I’m not an orphan at all. Good story, though!) I have a few others, too.
5. I used to have my bellybutton pierced. Actually, it’s still pierced because the hole is still there, but the ring has long gone.
6. I went to an all-boy’s military boarding school for seven years (aged 11 to 18). Made me the (girl-shy, discipline-averse) man I am today!
7. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 19. (see #6)
8. I once broke up with a girlfriend by leaving the country and not telling her where I was going. (I still have pangs of guilt over this one.)
9. My greatest fear is lifting up the toilet lid to find a severed human head in the bowl.
10. I once touched a dead body. (No, not inappropriately!)
11. I always thought it would be cool to be the first person to find a murder victim, until I realized that that always makes you a suspect. Too much Taggart.
12. One of my favorite films is The Sound of Music.
13. I see food as a necessity, not a pleasure. Sure, I like food, but if I could only eat boiled white rice for the rest of my life, it wouldn’t bother me. If I skip a meal (or two) I don’t care.
14. I think I’m borderline OCD. Example: I like to have the same thing for breakfast every day, and if I don’t get it it pisses me off for the whole day. If I break or lose something I like I have to get the exact same replacement. Immediately. I’ve been through three identical Mont Blanc mechanical pencils like that.
15. The biggest influence on my life has been Frank Zappa. He said he wrote the music he did just because he wanted to hear it. If other people liked it too, fine. If they didn’t, then that was fine, too. I approach writing the same way.
16. I sometimes say or do things because I think they’d be funny as seen/heard by an imaginary third person (‘audience’?), and not necessarily by the person I’m interacting with. This occasionally makes for some awkward moments, when I say things I don’t mean for the sake of a punchline.
17. Music is the most important thing in the world. If I went deaf I’d kill myself. Seriously. I don’t understand people who have, like, 3 CDs. I have over 3.000.
18. My number one musical genius is Bob Dylan. I have stretches of days when I listen to hours of Dylan and nothing else.
19. My first single was Your Mama Won’t Like Me by Suzi Quatro. I have it on my phone now.
20. I’ve sound-tracked my funeral. Last three tracks: Papa Death by Love and Money, Lay Me Low by Nick Cave, and Death Is Not The End by Bob Dylan. If I die before writing that down anywhere, accept this as my wishes.
21. I don’t really like people. Individual friends yes, but people in general, no.
22. I hate using the telephone. I’ll do everything I can to avoid answering it or calling anyone up. I’d rather drive round to someone’s house and drop a note through their letterbox than call them up. Don’t know why.
23. My moral compass is Sometimes A Great Notion by Ken Kesey. It’s saved me from doing stupid things more than once.
24. I have a kind of laziness by proxy. I’ll happily spend several hours writing some macros to save me having to do the same five-minute task twice myself.
25. My biggest regret in life is never learning to play a musical instrument. I wish I could play guitar like Stevie Ray Vaughan, or piano like Jools Holland.

And no, I’m not going to ask anyone else to do this. But if you want to…