A couple of weeks ago, my PC died (again). This is a major catastrophe in our house, what with the kids and Webkins, and the wife and on-line shopping. In theory we can access the Internet via the PlayStation 3, but actually doing so is an exercise in exasperation – the browser window is either too big or too small (you can’t get it to simply re-scale for the TV size the way HTML should), and entering even the shortest URL via the controller is truly painful (and the PS3 refuses to recognize my (non-Sony) bluetooth keyboard). A life without the Internet in our house is about as acceptable as a life without TV. Or food (a close third in the list of necessities). So I had to get it repaired fast.
Within half an hour of my pronouncing the PC dead, I had it with the Geek Squad at Best Buy. They’ve patched up my PCs a couple of times before, so I figured they must know what they’re doing. I’d soon regret that assumption. Geek Squad looked at it and announced that there were several blown capacitors on the motherboard (this is pretty much the most expensive component of a PC) and I needed a new one. Due to some bizarre Mexican stand-off between Dell and Best Buy, Dell apparently won’t sell replacement parts direct to Best Buy, and Best Buy refuse to work as a service center for Dell. Maybe it’s just a ploy to make you give up in desperation and wail “Oh, just sell me a frickin’ new PC, then”, but I’m not falling for that, so I ordered the new motherboard direct from Dell myself. Dell didn’t give me a choice on shipping method, sending it surface, with a “4-5 day” delivery lead time. Handily, I could get the tracking number from my account on the Dell website, and use this to track the shipment via DHL’s website. It made the trip from Ohio to Texas the night I ordered it, so I was kind of hopeful it would actualy turn up earlier than expected. But noooo. It then sat in DHL’s facility in Texas for a full three days, until it was delivered to my home on day 5, as promised. Clearly DHL fully intend on meeting their service level agreement – no more, no less!
I took the new motherboard into Best Buy for them to fit it, but in the meantime a different Geek has re-examined my PC and decided that it wasn’t the motherboard at all (must be one of those magical self-healing ones!) but the problem was that the power switch was broken (no doubt in response to my furious finger-jabbing trying to get the bastard to power up again when it died). No, they didn’t carry them, and no they couldn’t just slip the innards into another case, so I had to order a new power switch from Dell. Actually, I had to order a complete front faceplate (it’s a tower) which means that one broken small plastic lug cost me $40. Plus another week’s delay for shipping.
Hedging my bets, I’d decided not to return the motherboard to Dell for a refund just yet. This turned out to be one of my few smart moves, as when I went back to Best Buy a week later with the new power switch/faceplate, Geek #3 had decided the problem was both the motherboard and the power switch. By this stage I’d realized that the Geek Squad don’t know shit from shinola, but they already had my PC and I’d had to pay for the repairs up-front, so I was now kind of at their mercy. So I left the PC, the new faceplate and the new motherboard with them. They told me it would be two hours work, but would take two weeks “elapsed time” (does time do anything but elapse?) before they could fit it in. Given that most of the staff there seem to spend their time either ‘demoing’ Guitar Hero III or chatting up the (one) hot girl who works on the mobile phone stall, I didn’t see how this could be, and announced in my most ‘about-to-go-postal’ voice that this was unacceptable as they’d had the PC that long already, and I was giving them exactly one week to fix it. Secretly I had my fingers crossed behind my back as I knew I was just one geek bent on revenge away from a hard-disk crash, and I had no ‘or else’ plan, but it was worth a shot.
Two days later Geek #4 called me to tell me that they’d replaced the faceplate, but it looked as though I also had a problem with my motherboard. Well no shit, Sherlock! Look in the other box I left with you. They found that, but apparently decided they hadn’t finished dicking with me just yet – maybe it was that revenge thing popping up. The Geek advised me that he would have to wipe my C: drive and re-install all my drivers. What‽ “Yeah, it’s always best to start with a clean system after this kind of problem.” I pointed out that I had ten years’ of work on my C: drive and there was no way they were wiping that. (Actually, all my data is on a separate drive that I popped out before entrusting my PC to them, but that’s not the point.) “Well, we can do a full back-up for you. It’s only $100 a meg…” (or something equally as preposterous). What do I look like? (Or sound like – I was on the phone.) An idiot? I impolitely pointed out that they were doing a like-for-like swap of motherboards that Dell guaranteed were identical (and probably were – I noticed with some annoyance that the replacement motheboard was labeled “Refurbished” – i.e. ripped from some other PC that died). Now I may not have paid much attention during Microprocessor Design at college (wish I had – maybe I could have replaced the motherboard myself – although if I’d passed Microprocessor Design I’d probably also be working at Geek Squad right now), but I did pay attention during Software Design, and I know that drivers are software (on the hard drive) and not hardware (on the motherboard). To the best of my knowledge there was nothing wrong with the hard drive when I took the PC in, and there better not be now, either. The Geek capitulated, saying he’d “do his best”. Gee, thanks. I was really just hoping for you to make a half-assed attempt, what with all the money I’m paying you, but if you feel it’s worth your “best”, I’m forever in your debt!
Anyway, a couple of hours later I got another call to say that my PC was finally ready for collection. No further mystery diagnostics, everything working again (although iTunes Store thinks I have a new PC and I had to re-authorize all my purchases), and nothing else to pay. So almost three weeks after it first went belly-up, I had my PC back again. Once I’d paid for the parts and labor – and a surge protector/UPS to make sure this doesn’t happen again (we’ve had a few power cuts and thunderstorms recently) – it had cost me just about the price of a new PC. Cost-effective? Probably not, but if I’d got a new PC I would then have to spend ages transferring everything over, swapping all the ISA/PCI cards, second drives, etc. into the new unit, and then re-installing all of the software. And I just don’t have the stomach (or time, or patience) for that right now. I know I’ll have to do it sometime (the PC is 3 years old, which makes it ancient in the technology world) but I’d rather upgrade when I decide to, rather than when I’m forced to by a hardware failure and/or a pack of Geeks armed with nothing more than a Hardware Troubleshooting for Dummies book. Anyway, given that half the PC is now ‘new’ (what with me replacing the power supply, hard drive, DVD drive, and now motherboard since I bought it) it should last a couple more years, yet. Assuming Radiohead don’t release another album as a download only, of course…
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