I’ve never really bought into the whole Netflix thing. Partly because I refuse to pay to stream stuff that is already available on demand (which most of Netflix’s (non-original) content is), and partly because I just don’t watch enough TV to justify it. But my two eldest have become avid users – my daughter mooching off a friend’s account, and my son paying for his own subscription – although as I am his only source of income I guess I was really paying for that, anyway… But in a moment of weakness, I decided to get a Netflix account myself, that they could both use, and I could maybe use myself once in a while for some of Netflix’s much-lauded original content. Signing up was extremely easy – one online form, and I had my userid and password. But then the fun started…
My TV is a ‘smart TV’ (60″ Samsung something-or-other), and is connected wirelessly to the Internet, so I went to set Netflix up on that. I’d connected my Amazon Prime account when I got the TV so I could stream their content (although I only did that once, before giving up because of the constant buffering), so figured that setting up Netflix would be just as easy. I clicked on the Netflix icon on the ‘hub’…and got a message that I needed to be connected to the Internet. Well, I thought I was, but apparently not… A couple of weeks ago I upgraded my home network from AT&T’s default crappy option (which gives you 18Mbs download speeds) to the fastest tier they offer short of a dedicated ‘business’ connection (which gives me around 85Mbs), which necessitated all new hardware. AT&T like to make things easy and the modem comes with a pre-set network ID and password (on a label stuck to the side of the modem itself – how secure!), so I went into the BIOS and changed these to be the network ID and password of my old network, thinking I’d save myself the effort of reconnecting all of my devices. But that didn’t really fool anything (proving that the IoT is a lie!) – I still had to go to each device, search for the network (which they all found, under the name they already knew about) and confirm the same password (which they had all remembered), at which point everything (PCs, printers, phones, Sonos system…) reconnected just fine. So I went to do the same with the TV. This found the network just fine and connected to it, but told me I didn’t have a connection to the Internet. And despite me spending almost an hour piddling around with the modem/network/firewall settings, it just refused to connect to the Internet. So I gave up. I never liked the Samsung hub anyway – it takes way too long (more than a second..) to load.
But then I had a brainwave. My PlayStation 3 also has Netflix pre-installed, and the PS3 is connected to my TV, so I could just use that. I switched on the PlayStation and clicked the Netflix icon. “You must be connected to the PlayStation Network to use this program”. Eh? Why?? I don’t want to use the PlayStation Network, I want to use Netflix, which is a self-contained app. (And we’ll ignore the question of why it needs an app at all when you can just access Netflix via the browser on a PC…) But OK, I’ll toe the line. So I backed out of the Netflix app and went to connect to the PlayStation Network. “You must be connected to the Internet…”. Gaaah! Same problem as the TV – it lost the network connection when I upgraded. Well let’s see if this has any more luck. So I told it to ‘forget’ the old Internet connection, and connected to the new one (same name/password). And it worked! Hurrah! Connected all the way through to the Internet. So now I can go back to PSN and log on to that, right? Hold on, not so fast…”A system update is required…”. So I have to go and install that…which takes 20 minutes during which time I can do nothing. Then I can go back and log in to PSN. But not so fast: “Incorrect password”. Oh, come ON! I know it is correct as I have my passwords saved in the Password Manager app on my phone, and I know I typed it in correctly as I connected a full-size keyboard to the PS3 because typing a combination of numbers, letters, and ‘special characters’ via a game controller is just painful. OK, whatever. I’ll reset it now. Stupidly, there’s no “Reset my password” on the PSN logon screen (why??), but after a bit of poking around, I find it on the Account Settings screen. But instead of allowing me to change it there and then, it sends me a reset link to my registered email (which, thankfully, we both still agree on). So I have to stomp off to my PC, access my email, click the link, and change my PSN password there. I decide I’ll save myself the trouble of recording a new password in Password Keeper by resetting my password to be the same as what I had it recorded as anyway. “New password cannot be the same as current password”. What!? Fuuuuck! Now I know they are just screwing with me. But I also know I can’t win against an autobot, so I choose a new password (and record it in Password Keeper – for all the good that will do, because Sony will apparently ignore that at some point anyway…), and storm back to the PlayStation, just daring it to reject this new password….
But luckily the PlayStation accepts it, and benevolently grants me access to my PlayStation Network account. Almost. “We have changed our terms and conditions…please read and accept…”. For the love of God!! Am I ever going to get onto Netflix?? The terms and conditions are a massive amount small print, in a scrollable dialog box. I defy anyone to actually read it all, but Sony have it set up that you can’t click NEXT until you have scrolled down to the very bottom of the current box. Which goes on forever. Seriously. I just held the Cursor Down button on the keyboard, scrolling as fast as it would allow, and it was several minutes before it got to the bottom. Of screen one of two. But at least when I got to the bottom of screen one, the NEXT button was enabled, so I clicked on that, and…nothing. The entire system just froze. Completely. I had to power it off and then on again. And then try the same thing (logging on to PSN, trying to accept the T&Cs) again, with exactly the same results (a frozen system). Twice. Before I gave up. Again.
I’ve now turned a nice shade of purple (I think it is officially listed as ‘apoplectic’ on the Pantone color chart), but I refuse to admit defeat, and am determined to get Netflix on something. So I reach for my Kindle Fire. This is my 3rd Kindle, and I only really use it as a remote control for my Sonos system in the living room (because I’m too lazy to pull my phone out of my pocket), but it was only $35 on Black Friday, and I know you can run Netflix on it. So I go to the Amazon App Store so that I can download the Netflix app for that. “You must be connected to the Internet…”. Seriously‽ This shit is getting very old, very fast. But (deep breath) I’ve been here before, and I know what to do. So I just delete the old Internet connection, set up a new connection to my (new) home network, annnnd…just like the TV and the PlayStation it tells me that although I am connected to the home network, I am not connected to the Internet. Even though I know the modem is connected to the Internet because my PCs and phone (and, now, the PlayStation) are connected just fine. Aaaagggghhh! Why me??? Someone, somewhere, really does not want me watching Netflix. So I do a hard power down of the Kindle (because that seems like a more sensible option than just hurling the Kindle at the TV and going to bed), switch it on again, and lo and behold! it does connect to the Internet. Halleleiujah! So I can now download and install the Netflix app…and – finally – log on to Netflix itself! Sweet Jesus, I could have cried when I saw that Netflix home screen…
At this point it has been three hours of extreme frustration, and a blood pressure level that probably justifies medication. And at the end of it all, all I can do is watch Netflix on a 7″ screen. Well that should impress bae when I invite her round to Netflix and chill. But Netflix and chill?? I’m a fricking long way off chilling. I want to punch something in the face, I just don’t know what – AT&T, Samsung, Sony, or Netflix. And the coup de grace – I go to the kids and tell them we now have a family Netflix account they can use, and what do I get? “Mh, I’m just going to keep using what I’ve got.” !!!
Leave a Reply